30/04: Facts you may find interesting...

1.  A crocodile  cannot stick its tongue out.

2.  A snail can sleep for three years.

3.  Babies are born without kneecaps. 
     They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

4.  Butterflies taste with their feet.

5.  Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. 
     Dogs only have about 10.

6.  February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

7.  If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end
     because of the rate of reproduction.

8.  In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

9.  Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

10.  Our eyes are always the same size from birth,
       but our nose and ears never stop growing.

11.  Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.

12.  "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand,
       "lollipop"  with your right.

13.  The cruise liner QE2 moves only six inches 
      for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

14.  The name of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.

15.  The words 'racecar' and 'kayak' are the same whether they are read 
       left to right or right to left.

16.  TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made
       using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.

17.  Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

18.  If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an
      average of 6 months waiting at a red light.

19.  The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

20.  Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks;
       otherwise it will digest itself.

21.  There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables.

22.  There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels  in order:
       "abstemious" and "facetious."

23.  There is a word in the English language with only one vowel,
       which occurs five times: "indivisibility."

24.  The Bible does not say there were three wise men; it only says there were three gifts.

25.  Crocodiles never outgrow the pool in which they live.

26.  A group of geese on the ground is a gaggle; a group of geese in the air is a skein.

27.  A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

28.  Pinocchio is Italian for "pine eye."

29.  The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over the  lazy dog" uses
      every letter of the alphabet.

30.  The only 15-letter word that can be spelled 
       without repeating a letter is "uncopyrightable."

29/04: Fun Facts - Jelly fish is 95% water?

• In the 1940's, it was estimated that by the year 2000,
  computers would only weigh 1.5 tons.
• Hummingbirds are the only type of birds that can fly backwards
• The world's fastest reptile (measured on land) is the spinytailed iguana
  of Costa Rica. It has been clocked at 21.7 mph.
• Elephants can smell water three miles away!
• 9 out of every 10 cells in your body are bacteria.
  Most of these bacteria do not harm your body, it helps it.
• Lightning strikes the earth about 6,000 times per minute!
• A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body!
• A rat can last longer without water than a camel can!
• About 10% of the world's population is lefthanded
• A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second
• A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime
• The world's largest mammal, the blue whale, weighs 50 tons at birth.
  Fully grown, it weighs as much as 150 tons.
• The world's smallest mammal is the bumblebee bat of Thailand,
  weighing less than a penny
• Dolphins sleep with one eye open
• Jellyfish are 95 percent water
• You blink over 10,000,000 times a year!
• The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth!
• Dogs and cats, like humans, are either right or left handed
• All polar bears are left handed.
• "Go." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language
• The vocabulary of the average person consists of 5,000 to 6,000 words
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain
• The average person laughs about 15 times a day
• Ants never sleep!

26/04: Common Business Mistakes

1. Single Founder

Have you ever noticed how few successful startups were founded by just one person? Even companies you think of as having one founder, like Oracle, usually turn out to have more. It seems unlikely this is a coincidence. What's wrong with having one founder? To start with, it's a vote of no confidence. It probably means the founder couldn't talk any of his friends into starting the company with him. That's pretty alarming, because his friends are the ones who know him best. But even if the founder's friends were all wrong and the company is a good bet, he's still at a disadvantage. Starting a startup is too hard for one person. Even if you could do all the work yourself, you need colleagues to brainstorm with, to talk you out of stupid decisions, and to cheer you up when things go wrong.

The last one might be the most important. The low points in a startup are so low that few could bear them alone. When you have multiple founders, esprit de corps binds them together in a way that seems to violate conservation laws. Each thinks "I can't let my friends down." This is one of the most powerful forces in human nature, and it's missing when there's just one founder.

Read More!

25/04: Lady sued her employers for developing carpal tunnel syndrome.

God bless America: land of the free, home of the brave - and litigators. I sue, you sue, we all sue - and the sillier the cause, the better. Frivolous lawsuits are the stuff of television shows like Philly and Boston Public. But that's fiction, right? You think.

A woman in Florida has sued her employers for developing carpal tunnel syndrome - also known as repetitive motion injury - in both hands. Why should this make news? It's a common occupational hazard for data entry operators and others who spend all day typing on a keyboard. Right, except the lady in question is no data entry operator and she didn't get her tendons in a twist from too much typing. She got it from too much masturbating.

The woman, who lives in Fort Lauderdale, is a phone sexline operator. Her job description requires her to masturbate regularly - up to seven times a day - while indulging her clients' sexual fantasies. The ambidextrous female used one hand to answer the phone and the other to give herself an orgasm during the verbal foreplay. It's all about customer satisfaction. Isn't that what they teach you at management school?

The phone sex lady has filed for worker's compensation from Florida's Department of Labor and Employment Security. She has claimed weekly benefits of $267 and also asked to be reimbursed $30,000 for medical bills reimbursement, after a neurosurgeon operated on her hand to relieve the pain. Hey lady! You forgot to collect damages for mental trauma.

Now that's what I call private enterprise at its finest. It's no wonder that the USA is the leader of the free world.

24/04: 10 Shopping Tricks That Stores Hate

Stores are always trying to get you to do what they want. But what if you refuse? What if you do what benefits you and not the store? Aside from outright fraud, what are the things that you can do to come out ahead? We've put together 10 tips that will help you save money, but probably won't help the store. That's why they hate them. And you.

Buying Loss Leaders and Leaving: Loss leaders are products that a company sells below or at cost to lure customers into the store.

Why They Hate It: They do not want you to waltz in, buy up all the loss leaders and leave. Often there are limits to how many of each you can buy, if you see something in the ad that says "limit 3 per customer" you may have found yourself a loss leader. Buy it and get the hell out.

Using Credit and Paying it Off on Time: Sometimes stores will offer a "6 months, no interest, no payments" offer on big ticket items. Pay it off on time, and you've used their money for free.

Why They Hate It: These offers are not just to help you buy stuff, it's to trick you into paying more for the item than if you had paid cash. Some people take the cash they would have used to buy the item and put it in a high yield savings account. Then they buy the item with credit and wait until 5.9 months later to pay it off. They've just used someone else's money for 6 months for free. Ha, ha, ha. These offers are dangerous, however, because if you miss a payment or don't pay the full balance off on time, you'll get socked with interest since your date of purchase. The rates are often outrageous, so this tip is only for seriously organized Type-A people.

Saying NO to the Extended Warranty: Stores play on the fact that electronics are a big investment, scaring you into buying an Extended Warranty. Don't do it.

Why They Hate It: The Extended Warranty is basically just a trick to get you to pay way more for the item than you need to. It's very, very, very profitable for the retailer. If you don't believe us, believe Consumer Reports. If you're worried about not having an extended warranty, purchase your electronics with a credit card that offers extended warranty protection. Lots of them do. Just paying for your crap with a credit card can double your warranty, so tell that sales clerk to get bent.

Activating Your Own Phone With A Cell Phone Company: You can buy a used phone, or an unlocked phone, for full price and avoid signing a contract.

Why They Hate It: Cell phone companies want you to sign a contract. They need you to sign a contract. They burn with desire for you to be under contract with them. Cell phone stores sell 2 year contracts. That's what they sell. Not phones. So get a phone, then call the cell phone company and activate it. No contract needed. They hate that so much.

Shopping in the Store But Buying Online: Stores are just places where you can look at things you will later purchase for cheaper online. Look at your new laptop. Try it out. Ask questions. Buy online.

Why They Hate It: They've paid for a store, the electric bill for the store, the employees to answer your questions, and those nice little plastic bags that they want to put your purchase in. Whoops.

Buying 1 When its 2 for $5: "2 for" deals are bull. You can buy one. You can buy 3. "2 for 5" or "5 for 10" means, "Please for the love of Jesus buy this and get it out of the store." You can pay the unit price. (Laws may vary nationwide)

Why They Hate It: They want you to buy more stuff than you need!

Opening A Store Credit Card To Get A Discount, Then Cutting It Up: This is one from our dear Mommy. Mommy buys a bunch of stuff at once, opens the store credit card for the 20% discount, pays it off and cuts up the card. She did this every year when buying our school clothes. We're sure they hate her with the force of a 200 mega-ton bomb, but she still saved 20%.

Why They Hate It: Credit card companies make money from interest and fees. No activity on the card, no interest and fees.

Using Websites to Track 30 Day Price Guarantees: Stores have "30 day price guarantees" to make you think they have such low prices that they're not going to get any lower. They may, but they also know you're not going to keep shopping for some crap you already bought. Solution: There are websites that will watch your purchase for you and email if it drops in price during the guarantee period.

Why They Hate It: Because they have to give you money. No store ever likes to give you money.

Buying Seasonal Items at Clearance Prices (For Next Year): Seasonal items are a big deal for retailers and once the holiday is gone they need to make room for the next one. Their haste makes waste and you can take advantage of it. Buy now for next year. Another good idea is to buy "seasonal" candy after the season is over. So what if your M&Ms are brown and orange or red and green. Still tastes like awesome.

Why They Hate It: Stores want you to buy their seasonal crap at full price, when its most profitable, not during clearance when they sell it at cost or below.

Buy "Accessories" on Ebay Rather Than Paying Huge Markups: Retailers will often discount a big ticket item only to charge ridiculous prices for "accessories" that they will harass you to the point of madness to try to get you to buy. Expensive connectors, cables, controllers, leather lotion for your stupid coat you just bought, blank media, storage, etc. Buy this crap on eBay or at least research what it really costs at a retailer that is not trying to screw you. Case in point: Cables. Best Buy sells the Monster Ultra Series 8' HDMI Video Cable for $119.99. On Ebay the most expensive "Buy it Now" price for this cable is $74.95 with $9.95 shipping. For the exact same thing. And that's for a crazy brand name cable. There are 8' HDMI cables on eBay for $8.

Why They Hate It: Accessories are very profitable. If you got a good deal on a TV, you probably believe them when they say you "need" to spend hundreds of dollars on cables.

21/04: 25 signs that you have grown up

1. Your houseplants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song in an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of "hook up" and "break up".

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up".

10. You're the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's leftovers.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You take naps.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset, rather than settle, your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good shit".

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. When you find out your friend is pregnant you congratulate them instead of asking, "Oh shit, what the hell happened?"

Bonus:

26: You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one to save your sorry old ass. Then you forward it to a bunch of old friends 'cause you know they'll enjoy it too.

18/04: Top 10 Myths About Islam

 

Islam is a widely-misundertood religion. Those who are unfamiliar with the faith often have misunderstandings about its teachings and practices. Common misconceptions include that Muslims worship a moon-god, that Islam is oppressive against women, or that Islam is a faith that promotes violence. Here we bust these myths and expose the true teachings of Islam.

1) Muslims worship a moon-god

Some non-Muslims mistakenly believe that Allah is an "Arab god," a "moon god," or some sort of idol. Allah is the proper name of the One True God, in the Arabic language. The most fundamental belief that a Muslim has is that "There is only One God," the Creator, the Sustainer -- known in the Arabic language and by Muslims as Allah. Arabic-speaking Christians use the same word for the Almighty.

2) Muslims don't believe in Jesus

In the Qur'an, stories about the life and teachings of Jesus Christ (called 'Isa in Arabic) are abundant. The Qur'an recalls his miraculous birth, his teachings, and the miracles he performed by God's permission. There is even a chapter of the Qur'an named after his mother, Mary (Miriam in Arabic). However, Muslims believe that Jesus was a fully human prophet and not in any way divine himself.

3) Most Muslims are Arabs

While Islam is often associated with Arabs, they make up only 15% of the world's Muslim population. The country with the largest population of Muslims is Indonesia. Muslims make up 1/5 of the world's population, with large numbers found in Asia (69%), Africa (27%), Europe (3%) and other parts of the world.

4) Islam oppresses women

Most of the ill-treatment that women receive in the Muslim world is based on local culture and traditions, without any basis in the faith of Islam. In fact, practices such as forced marriage, spousal abuse, and restricted movement directly contradict Islamic law governing family behavior and personal freedom.

5) Muslims are violent, terrorist extremists

Terrorism cannot be justified under any valid interpretation of the Islamic faith. The entire Qur'an, taken as a complete text, gives a message of hope, faith, and peace to a faith community of one billion people. The overwhelming message is that peace is to be found through faith in God, and justice among fellow human beings. Muslim leaders and scholars do speak out against terrorism in all its forms, and offer explanations of misinterpreted or twisted teachings.

6) Islam is intolerant of other faiths

Throughout the Qur'an, Muslims are reminded that they are not the only ones who worship God. Jews and Christians are called "People of the Book," meaning people who have received previous revelations from the One Almighty God that we all worship. The Qur'an also commands Muslims to protect from harm not only mosques, but also monasteries, synagogues, and churches -- because "God is worshipped therein."

7) Islam promotes "jihad" to spread Islam by the sword and kill all unbelievers

The word Jihad stems from an Arabic word which means "to strive." Other related words include "effort," "labor," and "fatigue." Essentially Jihad is an effort to practice religion in the face of oppression and persecution. The effort may come in fighting the evil in your own heart, or in standing up to a dictator. Military effort is included as an option, but as a last resort and not "to spread Islam by the sword."

8) The Quran was written by Muhammad and copied from Christian and Jewish sources

The Qur'an was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad over a period of two decades, calling people to worship One Almighty God and to live their lives according to this faith. The Qur'an contains stories of Biblical prophets, because these prophets also preached the message of God. Stories are not merely copied, but the oral traditions are referred to in a way that focuses on the examples and teachings that we can learn from them.

9) Islamic prayer is just a ritualized performance with no heartfelt meaning

Prayer is a time to stand before God and express faith, give thanks for blessings, and seek guidance and forgiveness. During Islamic prayer, one is modest, submissive and respectful to God. By bowing and prostrating ourselves to the ground, we express our utmost humility before the Almighty.

10) The crescent moon is a universal symbol of Islam

The early Muslim community did not really have a symbol. During the time of the Prophet Muhammad, Islamic caravans and armies flew simple solid-colored flags (generally black, green, or white) for identification purposes. The crescent moon and star symbol actually pre-dates Islam by several thousand years, and wasn't affiliated with Islam at all until the Ottoman Empire placed it on their flag.

Source: islam.about.com/od/commonmisconceptions /tp/myths.htm

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15/04: Self Portrait

15/04: Save every 5 minutes!

Usually, I save my work every 5 to 10 minutes when I'm working in Photoshop. But sometimes, you get carried away and only realize that you didn't save your work when Photoshop crashes. I was working on this drawing when Photoshop crashed on me. I took a screen capture and that's all that's left of it :(

14/04: Midterm Answer

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A.

14/04: Some images of Toronto

Here are some of Sam's images of toronto.


Click to enlarge

This image was taken just before the persian new years. It stopped snowing... but started again... the usual canadian weather.

The following are some images from King & Yonge.


Click to enlarge


Click to enlarge

13/04: Collected Quotes of Albert Einstein

Copyright: Kevin Harris 1995

• "Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction."
• "Imagination is more important than knowledge."
• "Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love."
• "I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details."
• "The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
• "Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
• "The only real valuable thing is intuition."
• "A person starts to live when he can live outside himself."
• "I am convinced that He (God) does not play dice."
• "God is subtle but he is not malicious."
• "Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character."
• "I never think of the future. It comes soon enough."
• "The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility."
• "Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
• "Science without religion is lame. Religion without science is blind."
• "Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
• "Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from weak minds."
• "Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler."
• "Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen."
• "Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it."
• "The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
• "The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education."
• "God does not care about our mathematical difficulties. He integrates empirically."
• "The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking."
• "Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
• "Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding."
• "The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is comprehensible."
• "We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them."
• "Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school."
• "The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing."
• "Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater."
• "Equations are more important to me, because politics is for the present, but an equation is something for eternity."
• "If A is a success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut."
• "Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the the universe."
• "As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain, as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality."
• "Whoever undertakes to set himself up as a judge of Truth and Knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the gods."
• "I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
• "In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep."
• "The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead."
• "Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves."
• "Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!"
• "No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?"
• "My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind."
• "Yes, we have to divide up our time like that, between our politics and our equations. But to me our equations are far more important, for politics are only a matter of present concern. A mathematical equation stands forever."
• "The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker."
• "Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence.
• "The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and all science. He to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe, is as good as dead: his eyes are closed."
• "A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
• "The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge."
• "Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present, and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion."
• "You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat."
• "One had to cram all this stuff into one's mind for the examinations, whether one liked it or not. This coercion had such a deterring effect on me that, after I had passed the final examination, I found the consideration of any scientific problems distasteful to me for an entire year."
• "...one of the strongest motives that lead men to art and science is escape from everyday life with its painful crudity and hopeless dreariness, from the fetters of one's own ever-shifting desires. A finely tempered nature longs to escape from the personal life into the world of objective perception and thought."
• "He who joyfully marches to music rank and file, has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would surely suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action. It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder."
• "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us Universe, a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
• "Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts." (Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton)

05/04: 40 mistakes men make while having sex with women...

1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

 

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

 

3) NOT SHAVING.

You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which your rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

 

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

 

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy, isn't.

 

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

 

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

 

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

 

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

 

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.

Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along

side of the clitoris.

 

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.

Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

 

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

 

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.

Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

 

 

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.

Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt so don't get carried away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior ofher vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes it.

 

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.

You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

 

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

 

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks first.

 

18) GOING TOO FAST.

When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly,with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

 

19) GOING TOO HARD.

If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

 

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

 

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

 

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.

You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask.

 

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.

Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

 

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.

Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this.It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

 

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.  When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

 

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

 

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

 

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

 

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

 

30) TAKING PICTURES.

When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

 

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

 

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.

There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

 

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

 

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.

Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

 

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.

It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck, if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

 

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.

Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

 

37) TALKING DIRTY.

It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

 

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.

You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

 

39) SQUASHING HER.

Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

 

40) THANKING HER.

Never thank a woman for having sex with you.  Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.