28/05: Joke | Lawyer and the sheriff

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff's deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the deputy because he is a lawyer from New York and is certain that he has a better education than any cop from Houston. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Texas deputy's expense. 

Deputy says," License and registration, please." 

Lawyer says, "What for?" 

Deputy says, " You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." 

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming." 

Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please." 

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?" 

Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!" 

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration; and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket." 

Deputy says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir." 

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving shit out of the lawyer and says, "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?" 

IT AIN'T ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA TO BE A WISE ASS

15/05: Joke | Anniversary Gift

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really ticked.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

14/05: Joke | Interview

An eager young man entered his prospective boss's cabin for an interview.

"One thing our company is very particular about is cleanliness," said the boss.

"I hope you wiped your shoes on the doormat while coming in?" he continued

"Yes, sir," the young man replied promptly.

The boss continued "One more thing we're very particular about is honesty. There is no doormat outside!."

03/05: Joke | A beautiful, voluptuous woman

A beautiful, voluptuous woman went to a gynecologist. The doctor took one look at this woman and all his professionalism went out the window. He immediately told her to undress. After she had disrobed the doctor began to stroke her thigh. Doing so, he asked her, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she replied, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That is right," said the doctor. He then began to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asked. "Yes," the woman said, "you're checking for any lumps or breast cancer." "Correct," replied the shady doctor. Finally, he mounted his patient and started having sexual intercourse with her. He asked, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she said. "You're getting herpes; which is why I came here in the first place."

01/05: Joke | Two golfers on the golf course.